9.2 Clarity, Part 2

1. Shifts - I learned about shifts in mood which could be harder to find but would greatly help to keep the right vibe for each sentence.
2. Emphasis - using coordination to combine sentences opened my mind to a new word of controlling the amount of emphasis I want to give to ideas. There are many useful ways to apply them as well. 
3. Variety - Increasing variety with inverted sentences reminds me of how Yoda would speak so I plan on using this more often.
4. Wordy Sentences - I leaned that there are many inflating phrases that could easily be reduced so I will have to keep those suggestions in mind.

In example 1, I took out unnecessary words, split up the second sentence to increase emphasis, and untangled the grammatical structure.

In example 2, I used active verb, labels and used a semicolon with a transitional phrase to draw equal attention to the ideas in the sentences.

Example 1)
original
For example, Sir Isaac Newton incorrectly hypothesized chromatic aberration could not be corrected and that light was a particle in 1703 . As a result, Dolland, an optical lens designer, found a solution to chromatic aberration decades later and Fresnel, a civil engineer, mathematically proved that light could be modeled as a wave more that 100 years later [7].

new
For example, Sir Isaac Newton incorrectly hypothesized chromatic aberration could not be corrected and that light was a particle in 1703 . Newton misuse of credibility halted progress in these areas of physics until an optical lens designer, John Dollond, patented a solution to chromatic aberration decades later. Augustin-Jean Fresnel, a civil engineer, mathematically proved that light could show wave properties with mathematical proofs more than 100 years later [7].

Example 2)
original
In his paper, he has a methodical process by which he clearly labels areas to remain focused on the topic. For instance, he separates the section of his paper by abstract, introduction, Lorentz law and the principle of relativity, and concluding remarks.

new
Mansuripur clearly labels areas in his paper to remain focused on the topic; for instance, he separates the section of his paper by abstract, introduction, Lorentz law and the principle of relativity, and concluding remarks.